4 Kas 2012

Gitmeni Bekliyorum.

Gitmeni bekliyordum; infilakımı usulca.
Terli ve aç bir hayvan gibi acıdan beslenmeyi...


 

 
Gitmeni, terk etmeni.
Beni simsiyah bir et parçasında ihtiyar bir larva gibi bırakmanı
Ve bırakmanı ikinci el bir pedin üzerinde koyu kırmızı bir kan pıhtısı gibi
Bekliyordum gitmeni
Amorf bir kum tanesine gömülmeyi…
Sarı ve apseli bir hastalık gibi;
Tiz bir çocuk korkusu gibi;
Bir ortaçağ fahişesi gibi çarmıha gerilmeyi!
Yokluğunun çıplaklığında intiharıma demlenirken inancımı yitirmeyi
İçimdeki tanrıya can çekiştirmeyi…
Gitmeni bekliyordum.
Geleceğin günü fısıldamadan takvimlere.
Yüzünü de toplayıp düşlerimden
Ve çekilip tüm yaşam hücrelerimden,
Beni yorgun bir klozetin dibinde,
Kimsesiz bir ceset gibi, bir penis kılı gibi bırakmanı!
Benzemeden hiç kimseye; hiçbir vedaya, hiçbir ayrılığa;
Hiçbir “Hoşça kal”a benzemeden…
Gitmeni bekliyordum.
Bu şehre görünmeden, değmeden.
Ben apaçık ölümü övmeden;
Bekliyordum gitmeni, terk etmeni…



                                                                               

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